Monday, April 14, 2008

BATTLING THE DREADED DISEASE

The art of copying, that unwholesome technique used by students who don’t study their lessons but at given times would utilize it to pass their test questions, is actually boon to diabetic sufferers. Well, at least indirectly, for comparing notes are actually done by worried wives when they discuss the ailments of their patient-hubbies.

Take the case of the lion tamer for instance.

Out here in sleepy Guindulman town are three such patients. Oh, well!! This statement does not mean that there are only three diabetic victims in the locality; it is only that comparing notes could only be done to the three. So let us compare!

In addition to the three patients being of almost the same ages and having the same ailments, their physical conditions are not alike. Rar is a big hulk of a man that could easily remind you of either Arnold Schwarzeneger or that guy who portrayed the role of the “Incredible Hulk” in the movies. Nandy, on the other hand, is a five foot two, midget sized gentleman who could remind you of Napoleon Bonaparte, while the third is the aging cat that no longer needed additional description else he might growl at you for being so ignorant at how the now limping cat looks like.

In addition, both Rar and Nandy had already undergone heart bypass and whose professional lives were spent mostly in the land of the brave and the home of the free. In short, meaning the US of A, where else?!; both are retirees now living comfortably in their hometown enjoying, or rather spending their hard-earned pensions accompanied by their respective spouses who looked at their respective husbands no different from caregivers although this time, doing the chores for free, while their children, by now all adults and having their own families are now snugly rooted in the States no longer having plans of ever going back home to the land of birth of their ancestors partly because they cannot pronounce nor understand the dialects of their parents.

In contrast, the aging cat, as readers may have noted, has not migrated although he briefly sojourned in a neighboring Asian country sometime back, has retired on a meager SSS pension that is not even enough to buy him all his medicines, and that none of his three children have migrated for abroad. In addition, instead of a heart bypass, he lost his right leg instead.

But all three now walk with difficulty. Nandy and the aging cat both use a walker to enable them to walk while Rar can still do so without the help of this contraption but runs the risk of stumbling down that can get you nervous if you watch him move around.

All three take insulin injection daily although of different doses. All three also gulps different types of oral medicines for their respective heart ailments and in addition, Nandy and the aging cat also absorb injection of Epocain to add red corposules so that the war between the reds and the whites may balance meanwhile their respective bodies are still battling their respective skirmishes alive.

All three face their daily wars in much the same way although in points of fact are really different. When Baby, the wife of Rar went to the States last month to visit her two sons, Rar opted to stay behind saying he no longer saw the thrill of going back to the States. Nandy earlier decided to return to the States for check-up and also see his own adult children but at the last hour, decided to cancel the trip mumbling it is no longer worth it, while the aging cat, is still determined to board the Philippine Airlines on April 16 no matter what.

How will the three face their respective battles and who will jump first to the Great Beyond??

Oh, well. The aging cat philosophizes. He who blinks first, the Grim Ripper bags his prize.

Note (Chances are, this will be the last email of the aging puma before he takes the plane ride and therefore, there will be no need for rejoinders. To those who may feel the itch may well expect that it may be read only when he the cat is able to open the mails when he is already in the big city.)

Friday, April 11, 2008

BACK TO THE AGING LION’S FAVORITE HUNTIING GROUND

Brethren:

On Wednesday April 16, the lion tamer holding the end of a leash on her right hand that at the other end is attached to the neck of her aging pet, will board the Philippine Airlines officially to take him to two medical experts for his scheduled check-up.

The first is an endocrinologist-niece who will diagnose if his vital organs can still stand the rigors of father time with his heart not yet sputtering, while the second is his kidney specialist-niece who will endeavor to find out if his kidneys can still avoid dialysis treatment and thus postpone his trip to kingdom come.

More importantly, they will also visit their three full-grown cubs who now have two offspring each for their own, especially the youngest grandkid whose features is the spitting image of his playful granddad!

As his youngest cub will be initiated later today (April 12), to the mysteries of the Craft, the aging lion daydreams of seeing him raised to the sublime degree and hopefully expects it to materialize on June 14, a Saturday, which is also the birthday of his only sister.

That therefore means he daydreams to be around at least a day after that date to savor its significance, to see him on the checkered floor being manhandled (?! this term should appropriately be animal-handled) by the three ruffians and when the ceremony is completed, be able to execute the strong grip of the lion’s paw, thus formally welcoming his youngest cub as a full grown member of the Craft. (He is a Senior DeMolay, remember?)

Too bad that at his present condition, his Dad could not even pinch him on his behind while the ceremony is going on, nor even trip him with his left foot; for how can he possibly do that with only one serviceable leg on hand? (Ay mali, dapat sa phrase na ito, “on foot!” hindi “on hand!!”)

But when that happens, a slight adjustment at name calling is needed. Since his elder brother is now called “Brod” by the aging cat, that endearing word, by necessity will be renamed “Bro1” and the soon-to-be-raised brod be called “Bro2”.

Much like Bro1, Bro2, Brohaha!!

Expect a lull in transmission of emails from hereon, for at the metropolis the aging cat can hardly manage to get himself in front of a monitor. Which means that the latest he can resume tinkering with the computer keys will be upon his return to his den sometime after June 14. And if his passion for sending emails is finally disrupted, it can only signify that the Grim Ripper has finally succeeded in pushing him to the Great Beyond!

And why has his writing style turned satirical? Well, he realized it enables him to ignore the pain, whether deadening, searing, prickling, tingling or stabbing, that he often have to bear at times making him during the night wonder whether the morrow is still worth craving for, because of neuropathy and the other ailments caused by this dreaded disease these medical experts call diabetes.

Definitely more potent than Ponstan Dolfenol, and Alaxan, the medicine that is advertised by the pambansang kamao that we all call Manny Pacquiao.

It also enables him to stubbornly fight the odds day to day, hoping like a losing chess player that he can still manage to duck the slings and arrows that the Grim Ripper hurls at him, although fully aware that sooner than later, he will be caught off guard, and allow the GAOTU’s dreaded messenger to finally say “Check mate!”

As a parting shot, if it cannot be your pleasure to wish the aging cat “Good luck”, you can, by reverse logic, just mumble the colloquial phrase

“Buti nga, GAGO KA NAMAN TALAGA’!”

Leon